This past Saturday, on the 27th of February, I turned 20. It’s an odd thing to say ,but here I am saying it. It’s a whole new decade I am embarking on. No more a teenager. I am now entering a new journey in my life. It’s quite exciting ,but also scary.
As soon as it hit me that I am about to be 20 I started to look back at my teen years. Everything that I had to endure just to get to the person I am now. Everyone says that your teenage years will be so fun and to enjoy it to the fullest. I like to believe that I did. Although, that doesn’t shy away from the fact that I learned some stuff the hard way….a very, very hard way. So, I just thought I’d share some of those life lessons that I am holding on to forever.
1. Not everyone will like you…
Plain and simple. As a teenager, I was a people pleaser. It wasn’t till I was about 17 or 18 that I finally learned how to move past this. When we’re little and as we grow up, validation is needed. Validation for grades. Validations towards sports. Validation from peers. Which subconsciously makes us think that everyone likes us. And that they are obligated to because of the good person you are. That isn’t always the case, you guys. There will be various reasons as to why someone may not like you. It could be as stupid as that they are jealous of you in a way. Or as deep as that you scorned them and they refuse to forgive you. Either way, it is not up to you to make them want to be your friend or like you. A hard pill to swallow as a teenager.
โฆand you don’t have to like everyone
This goes exactly vice versa. Not everyone is deserving of your kindness. Trust me on this one. I was nice to everyone. My parents taught me live by the quote :
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
Matthew 7:12
And I still live by this quote till this day ,but by being kind to everyone certain people took advantage of me. They walked over me and abused me in the friendship that was created. It didn’t make sense to me as why they would treat me like that. Even after they scorned me I took the high road and still was nice. That was my worst mistake. If the person is choosing to be nasty, then let them be nasty. But that doesn’t mean you need to be a world renowned citizen to them. Block them. Ignore them. Delete them. They don’t deserve your kindness because you were kind before they hurt you and yet they still did what they did. Which means they didn’t respect you in that way all along. Respect is earned, not given.
2.Cut the toxicity
In my teenager years , I have gone through my bouts of friendships. It took years for me to actually be able to stand up for myself and respect myself. This one doesn’t just go for friends ,but also for anyone you have in your life. Toxic people weigh you down. Sometimes you can physically feel it. You walk in to the room and they immediately just make you feel like shit.
Whether it’s gaslighting you , emotionally abusing you, or just full on using you as their hype man without the same thing back. It’s not worth keeping them. It’s just not. You don’t deserve to be treated like a ragdoll. They only play with you when they want to. Only using you to make them feel better. “But I will have no friends if I cut him/her/they off.” It is better to be alone and happy than with company and miserable.
3.Not everyone deserves 2nd chances
Plain and simple. Doesn’t matter if the person changed or redeemed themselves. Going back to that cheating boyfriend/girlfriend is not worth it. Forgiving that ex-best friend is not that important. We are always told to give people chances and I’m not saying you shouldn’t . But you sit down and decided whether this person actually deserves another chance. Are you thinking with your brain or your heart?
Quick story: Had a friend. Was there for her and she was there for me. But at some point (I didn’t realize this at the time) she wasn’t there for me the same as I was for her. But she always kept apologizing and apologizing. Each time I forgave her ,but my trust for her got smaller and smaller. But she said she changed and it seemed like she did…at first. The new friend shtick would last for a couple months and then it’s back to the same scenario.
At some point something happened and I was done. The friendship ended on an argument and it was just gaslighting. I was tired of trying to fight for a friendship that couldn’t be fought for anymore. I couldn’t give another chance. Maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven 3 chances before ,but I just didn’t want to lose someone. This leads in to my next lesson.
4.Friends will come & go
You will go through so many friends as a teenager. Actually, just in life. Maybe you will continue to be best friends with that one person you met in pre-k. Or that first friend you met in highschool will become your shoulder to cry on. Even when writing this , I am thinking about the friends I am so grateful to have now. If there is one thing you should take away from failed and successful friendships is that they are work.
They take ALOT of work. It isn’t just something you can expect to keep up. Yes, as the years go on people become busy. Communicating and meeting up to hang gets harder and harder. But it’s the little things that count. The random memes you send caused it reminded you of them. Or a quick call or text to just say hi.
I remember when I lost my first friend. It was caused by a fake rumor. My freshman year and I was devastated to hear that friend say the words “Don’t ever talk to me again” and mean it. Literally, I cried all the way home on the bus.
I say the first friend because more happened after that one. But over time, those failed friendships made me appreciate the successful one’s that I have now. I had to stop seeing them as failures and use them as learning opportunities. I had my own flaws in the friendship, but instead of beating myself down I picked myself back up. Well, I had some help from these people below.
5.There’s still time to figure things out as a teenager
It seems like as you become a teenager and go in to highschool, you must have your future figured out. The college should already be picked out. With a major already on track and a dream job lined up to start after you graduate. Everything needs to be laid out. I wish someone just told me to try and enjoy the time I had. To just enjoy the stage of being a teenager.
No need to rush my time or try to expedite my life when I know I’m not ready. All it does is give unnecessary anxiety and stress. Something that no 13 year old, let alone a 19-year old should have to endure. This time should be about having fun and figuring out who you are as a person. Learning new hobbies, discovering new music, meeting new people, the normal things all teenagers should get to do.
6.Comparison is the thief of joy
For my entire time as a teenager , I would look at other people and wonder why I don’t have what they have. Why I don’t look how they look. Or have the money that they have. Or the popularity that they have a hold of. All it did was make me more depressed and lower my self-esteem all the way to the ground. I’ll be honest, I still do it till this day. It’s a work in progress.
Little by little I had to learn that I am too unique to be compared to. That there is a reason we don’t all look alike. Most of the comparing came from racial discriminations and sexism that I had to endure from a very young age. It took time and a lot of pain sorting and having to start therapy to finally try to be better. Comparison only does one thingโฆsteal your joy. Constant comparison is wasting precious energy focusing on other peopleโs lives rather than your own. That energy you waste could be used towards working towards accomplishing your own goals. Living your best life. Thereโs nothing to gain with comparing yourself to others, only much to lose.
My teen years weren’t the most spectacular. Many ups and downs that I wish could’ve been handled a bit differently. Although, in a way I wouldn’t want it to be a different way. If everything came out the way I wished it did then maybe I wouldn’t have met the friends I have now. I wouldn’t know some of the things I do now. Or the life lessons that I definitely will never forget.
As I start this new decade in ways that was never expected, I just want to enjoy it. I don’t want to stress and worry of a future that is so questionable. I want to learn to be content with how I am and how I look. Hopefully, in my 20s this blog grows in to a bigger platform. I want to better my mental health and focus on always working to be a better version of myself. I spent all my teenage years worrying about others. It’s time to start worrying about myself.
The present is where I’m at and the past should stay where it came from…the past.
THANK YOU FOR READING!!
Comment down below any lessons you’ve learned from your teen years. If you’re still a teenager, what is something that you learned recently that is a life lesson for you? That is all , Thank you so much for reading this weekโs post. I hope these lessons are something that everyone can relate to.