In many of my posts, I always express something that is very dear to me. There is a famous saying: Comparison is the thief of joy. Since I can remember, I always compared myself to others. Whether it was intentional or not. I always held myself to other people’s standards. And when I couldn’t meet those standards, I would just beat myself up. Put myself down. Ruining my joy and peace for something that isn’t in my control. Comparison won’t get you anywhere in life. It’ll only bring you down and make you doubt yourself. Over the years, I’ve learned some things on how to break this negative habit.
1. Realize that everyone has their own path
Look at all the celebrities or Youtubers that you know. Think of how each of them got to where they are at now. No backstory is the same. We all have our path in this life. Not everyone will walk the same way, even if they make the same choices. As I sit here writing this blog, I have my own hopes and dreams for this website. My own joy that I want to create with my writing. My own goals and aspirations that I want to achieve. There are days when I look at other bloggers and see how successful they are. “How did they get here?” “I’m making the same choices and I’m no where near where they are. Why is that?”
You walk your own path, and your own path alone.
By allowing yourself to know that you have your own path. You are giving yourself the joy that you’re denying yourself. When you look back at your life, you will be looking back at your own choices. No one else’s. You could do the same decisions as the people you are inspired by ,but get no results. That’s okay. You got to make your own unique ways to get through life. Because at the end of the day , each of our own stories will have a different ending.
2.Accept who you are
No one is the same. At all. We are all different in our own right. Whatever you believe in whether it’s Allah, Buddha, Jesus, or just plain science. We can all agree that we are unique in our own right for a reason. The insecurities you have within yourself are normal, but they shouldn’t have a hold over you. Change because you want to. Change for yourself. You want to be someone else, but at the end of the day you won’t even recognize yourself. The life you want to achieve will be there. But when you look in the mirror…. you won’t even be happy with the person you are looking at. When you change for yourself, you unlock a new type of joy. A type of joy that allows yourself to just be yourself. And improve your strengths.
3. Be grateful for what you have
Not everyone has what you have. In this society, with how things are with Covid, we are exposed to how much or little privilege’s there is to people. That not everyone has access to the same things you do. Not everyone has the same rights for certain things. Oprah once said “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
You could spend so much time just being upset and petty about what you don’t got. How you don’t have enough money , or success, or that new car. But shift the focus to what you do have. You have a job, a roof over your head, a way of going about life, etc. Some people want what you have and then you want what others have. How about just focusing on being grateful for the things in life that you do have.
"Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
4.Remind yourself nobody is perfect
We are all human. No matter what status you have, you are human. We all have flaws. We all have attributes that make us who we are. The more you put other people on a pedestal, the more you are putting yourself down. You are making yourself think that they are flawless. Which is in fact not true. It’s a tough pill to swallow ,but there is always going to be someone who has more than you. More money, more knowledge, more opportunities, maybe even more attractive in a way. So, accept this fact and just keep going on. Know that you are perfectly imperfect.
Once you realize that, you will see how your mindset changes, How your way of joy strengthens. Knowing that perfection is just progress will renew your joy. Have you only live your life stress free.
5.Focus on your strengths
It’s so much easier to call out your weaknesses. In any factor, we see our flaws more clearly. Yes, we have our downfalls. Okay, so what? In that downfall, you got up. You got knocked down and then got back up. Which makes you brave and resilient. Instead of kicking yourself while you’re down, switch around. You are still standing here despite the obstacles that you were given. You gotta give credit to where credit is due.
6.Set boundaries with social media
We can all agree that our feed on social media has some people that we want to be like. But there is a fine line between aspiring and comparing. When my own self-esteem was so low, I’d scroll on Instagram. But then I’d see these celebrities or my peers posting the happiest moments. I’d see that and just wallow in self-pity. It wasn’t until I realized the impact it was having on me, that I had to set boundaries. You shouldn’t have to go somewhere or interact with something and then leave feeling worse than you did before.
We compare our worst moments in life with someone else’s highlights. It does nothing ,but leave us feeling like we are failures. Sucking up our joy. Go on a social detox or just set yourself limits. Remember ,everyone chooses what they want you to see. Behind the hashtags and witty captions, they could be struggling with comparison as well.
7. Acknowledge your achievements
We often become blind to our success and just dwell on our failures. We get kicked down and just stay there. When we hear achievement, we think of it as a big thing. That it has to be like an award or a certificate or huge job promotion. When in reality, your achievements can be the smallest thing. Even the littlest accomplishment is worth a pat on the back. You got that raise you wanted, even if it’s 50 cents give yourself credit.
In life, the validation that we crave usually comes from outside sources. Such as bosses, parents, mentors, etc. This is okay to have, but you shouldn’t rely on it 100%. It feel so good to hear that job well done or the “I’m proud of you”. But if you can’t tell yourself that then when the job well done is gone, you’re left feeling like a failure. Be your own #1 fan. Because at the end of the day you are your biggest advocate and critic.
8. Desire greater things in life
Dream big is a term that we have all heard at least once. There’s nothing wrong with desiring more for yourself. For wanting to do great things and strive for the impossible. You see all these people just achieve their wildest dreams. That can be you. You got to have the confidence in yourself to know that you are destined for great things. Don’t settle for less. See your worth and demand what you know you should be getting. “Isn’t that being a diva?” No, not entirely. A diva has an attitude because they assume they should get everything they want without the hard work. You are putting in the work and deserve the outcome.
9. Compare within yourself
In all honesty, the only person you should be comparing yourself to is well, yourself. This society is all about competition. Pinning people against each other even when it’s unneeded. You gotta be your own ally. Take a step back to look at yourself and ask the real questions. How can you improve your quality of life? How can you be a more better and loving person? What are some ways to be a better person in my relationships? How can you be a nicer person than you were yesterday? You should be the only person that you are comparing yourself to. You joy, your hard work, everything you got to do in life. Comparing your own joy to others will only bring you less joy.
10. Water your own garden
When we focus on others , we waste valuable time that could be used on yourself. The every waking moment that you spend infatuating on someone else’s life is just wasted. In that time you could be doing something beneficial for yourself! When we take the attention away from our own figurative garden and on to our neighbor’s, we are neglecting ourselves. And voluntarily at that. We can’t nurture our own grass by putting effort in to someone else’s. Use that effort to invest, create, and care for your own path in life. You will see that the benefits are much more worth it.
Be so busy watering your own grass, that you don't notice if someone else's is greener
THANK YOU FOR READING !
The best advice I can give you to stop comparing yourself to others, is just to be patient with yourself. If you’re like me , you have spent YEARS treating yourself negatively. Having that voice in your head control over you. After so long, I can confidently say that I’m at a place where I can say that I am enough. That I can realize and acknowledge my own destructive actions to myself. Honestly, there are days that are harder than others. That is normal and completely okay. What isn’t okay though, is to give up. Ruining my own joy at the expense of others.
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