5 Helpful Ways To Better & Grow Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is something I have always struggles with. Being an African-American girl in the US brought on a lot of challenges. A lot of them affected my self-esteem in really deep ways. It still surprises me to this day how much it hurt my own self image. When I got to highschool, it really dawned on me how much young people have their self-esteem so low. As well as how many of us fake having such a high self-esteem. Over the past couple of years my self-love journey has been a lot of me reprogramming my mind. Making myself not see what I used to in highschool. I feel like a lot of us can relate to that.

The small voices in our heads that tell us all this negativity. So much that when someone gives us a compliment it is hard for us to believe it. Although I can fully say that I have made so much progress. Over the years I have learned a lot about myself. And some ways to better & grow my self-esteem. I would suggest getting a journal for this. As for most of these ways require writing. Keep reading for a special announcement at the end of the post 🙂

1. Identify Those Negative Beliefs

A quick disclaimer! Some of these ways require you to get very vulnerable with yourself. Bettering your self-esteem won’t progress if you don’t face the dark and gritty of yourself. That starts with identifying the negative beliefs. Whether that is from external sources or internal (yourself). A common characteristic of someone who has a low self-esteem is constant negative thoughts about one’s self. Whenever we talk negative about ourselves we are only punching ourselves more and more in to the ground. Try this exercise:

In your journal (if you don’t have one, go get a blank notebook that you aren’t using), open up to a blank page. Write down 10 negative thoughts about yourself. They can be as harsh or as soft as you think.

On the next page, write down 10 compliments that contradict those negative thoughts.

What you’re doing now is challenging those negative thoughts. By challenging those thoughts you aren’t giving it as much power as you are giving it. Keep doing this exercise till writing those negative thoughts seem pointless. To the point where those are the leis and the positives are the truth.

2. Build Positive Relationships- and ignore the toxic ones

Having a healthy, loving support system is something that is an important factor to improving your self-esteem. There’s a phrase that has been stuck in my head for weeks now. It’s kind of what motivated me to write this week’s post. Accepting and remembering this phrase will change your perspective of your friendships and past ones so much:

Hurt people hurt people

The more I have dealt in to my self-love journey, the more I see how toxic certain people were in my life. The countless times those people negatively impacted my self-esteem. At the time they seemed like the best support group. But once you take off the rose colored glasses. All is revealed to be so much darker than what it is. By building those positive relationships you are giving yourself more room to grow in a safer, healthier space.

Toxic relationships will only hinder your growth. You will notice it too. As you start to get better ,there might be people saying “You’ve changed.” Or saying that they don’t know you anymore. Some will mock your progress or try to discourage your journey. These people are leeches. Taking your energy and not giving anything back. Not this is not to say they are bad people. But they are not the type to keep a hold of if you want to thrive.

3. You do you

Quite frankly, the best thing that I learned in my self-esteem journey is to just do you. Your own life is your own life. Your own clothes are your own clothes. I don’t know about you, but I know that for so long I had been trying to do stuff for others. Whether it was physical acts of kindness or just being there emotionally. I was giving and giving. Eventually, it got me so exhausted. To the point that I never had energy for my own shit. To the point that I was pushing my own problems down. Because I thought they weren’t as important as others. Eventually, I had to learn that I need to start walking on my own path. Marching to the beat of my own drum.

I was always say this to others. And honestly sometimes I gotta remind myself about this as well. We live this one life. Using up this time doing stuff to appease and get approval from others? Well, it is pointless. Because at the end of the line, as morbid as it may seem, the only person regretting your life…is you. No one else is going to have to reap the consequences or after effects of your decisions. So, why waste time worrying about everyone else’s input? You do you. They’ll do them. If some people fall off along the way. They’re loss. Less weight to carry around. As long as you are smiling and content at the end of the day. Then it was worth it.

4. Start worrying about your own happiness

Bettering your self-esteem also means being a bit selfish at times. Now, being selfish isn’t always a negative connotation. Sometimes it is good to be selfish when you are always putting yourself on the back end. Your happiness is something that is very valuable to your growth. Think of your happiness as like a meter. The more you have the easier it may be yo growing your self-esteem. The less happiness you have, the easier it is to lose focus. When you continue to worry about others happiness 24/7. Always disregarding your own. It will only hinder you in the long run.

If you’re a people pleaser, like myself, then you know how this part can be a struggle. We aren’t used to putting our happiness first. Or how to only think about our own happiness. I guess with the help of therapy, it has become a bit easier to recognize my negative habits. To finally sit down and say “Well, what does Tumi want?” Because sometimes ,as humans, we can tend to forget to worry about our own needs.

In your journal, everyday, try to think of at least 3 things you will do to make you happy. Or something that you will create or watch that is only for your own benefit. Try to do this everyday till it feels less like a chore and more like a way of life.

5. Give yourself a break

Giving yourself a break is something that we tend to look over. This can go literally or even just emotionally.

Forgive yourself. Just like Hannah Montana says “Everyone makes mistakes.” But it depends on what you do with those. By forgiving yourself ,you are letting yourself release all that unneeded energy. They’re isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.”
Recollect your thoughts. Trying to better your self-esteem will take a lot out of you. Emotionally, spiritually, even physically. Rummaging through pain can do that you. So, take time for yourself to really let what you’re discovering sink in. Collect your thoughts. Journal it ,if that is what helps. But don’t push it to the side.
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. A lot of us as we get older start to realize some stuff. Mainly from when we are young. From a time when we didn’t know better. So, don’t be so harsh on yourself from the past. We can sit here and say “If only I knew this…”. “Maybe if I did this…” But that won’t get you nowhere. Accept what you learned & use it as you move on in life.

THANK YOU FOR READING !

I hope this post reaches the right people who needs it. Self-esteem is something that many young people struggle with. Mostly at the hands of social media and unrealistic societal standards. You just have to remember that you can only fix the things you can change. Even I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

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