When we were younger our 20s are seen as such a glorious time. Although, something I noticed about the media depicting those young adult years is the fake standards. Especially for the young black youth, mainly black women. As soon as we become an adult we have stereotypes shoved at us. And certain standards that are supposed to be met. But let’s be honest here. Not everyone lives their 20s the same. We all have a different depiction of how we want our own 20s to look like. If there is anything to learn in your 20’s it’s this.
How to live your 20s to the fullest…
I got to sit down and have a chat with Digital Creator, Livi Murray , about this topic. She actually has a series on her Tik Tok titled “22 Thing I Learned Before 23”. Her lifestyle and fashion content centered around her living her own 20s to the fullest. So, I knew she was the best person to have this conversation with. Talking with Livi was eye-opening and motivational to my own life. Black women, I hope you resonate and take away something from this post.
Originally from Atlanta ,Georgia , Livi Murray is a 23-year-old Digital Creator on Instagram & Tik Tok. Having dabbled in YouTube in her younger years she has always been one to be creative. Having done some writing when she was little and then moving to theater as she entered high school. Livi soon found her love for photography getting in to college. Graduating from Elon University in 2020 , majoring in Communication Design with a concentration on advertising & marketing.
"When you just graduate college you have the expectation that you've going to hit the ground running." - Livi Murray
During that time in college, she started a clothing line called Pretty Vibes Movement. She always saw other content creator’s work in photography and would compare herself. So, she created the Pretty Vibes Movement to learn to trust her own art. Also as a way to inspire & motivate other artists and content creators to trust their own art as well. This entrepreneurship journey taught her to believe in herself and trust her skills. Something we all can learn to try and do. At this same time she started a podcast called Black Girl Flow. With her dear friend from college, Lexi Roberts. They started this podcast as a safe space for black women to talk about life, love, identity, and navigating adulthood. All things Livi is passionate about.
The pandemic , she says, is where the push for adulthood and the lessons she is learning started. Due to the Pandemic she lost a job that was lined up for her. Leaving her to think quick on her feet. So, she started working part time jobs. Until August, when she was able to secure a full time job. Showing her perseverance and is one of the many reasons why I reached out to her for this blog post.
THE INTERVIEW
Livi:
I feel like when I was younger the whole idea around being in your 20s is supposed to be these fun filled years. Where you’re just like partying for maybe just a few years ,but then you get settled own and married by like 25. I don’t know why in my head I was like “Okay, after college I’ll get married and I’ll probably find my husband in college. Then we’ll have kids and THEN my life will start.” I don’t know why I thought like that. Maybe because that is what the media tells a lot of women. That this is when you’re going to find your mans. And that this will be the best four years of your life.
Going in to college, I thought college was going to be the best four years of my life. That this is what I want to do and that I might be broke after college. But this is my time to like experience everything under the sun.
Most definitely. I don’t know why we tell ourselves the plan is ; 21, get out of college ; 25, meet a person ; 27 , get married. Like it never made sense. I look back at it now and we all have a wrong timeline of life.
Livi:
Right, and there’s no one size fits all. And to create this immense expectation that you’re going to find your person at the ripe age of 25. And be ready to settled down with them at 27. It’s like kind of ludicrous. And it isn’t realistic. Especially for Black Women. Because Black Women are shown to be the demographic that is most likely to be single while they’re peers are married. Due to numerous reasons. And just for Black Women the statistics just aren’t there for us.
HOW DO YOU LIVE YOUR 20's FROM A BLACK WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE?
Livi:
I mean…I think, I don’t really consider it as living my 20’s as a black women. But more so just understanding that we’re all living different human experiences. I mean, I’m only in my 3rd year of my 20s. There’s still so much for me to explore. But during this time I’ve studied in Spain for 4 months due to a study abroad program. I’ve studied in Ghana. And through those experiences of traveling I’ve learned more about myself as a Black Woman. Just trying to do more self exploration. I think that’s what’s been kind of like the key theme of my 20’s so far. Just trying to figure out what I like, what I don’t like. What type of people do I want to be around. How can I live my life to the fullest?
And of course within American my race impacts the kind of spaces I go in to. The type of experiences I’d like to have. Especially being from Atlanta and already being surrounded by so many Black people. I’m constantly trying to be surrounded by Blackness. And there’s always this expectation of Black excellence ,but when it comes to just living my life. I try to just lead by “Okay, I’ve never experienced this day before, no one else has experienced this day before. How can I make this day the best day. Or what can I do to feel fulfilled by the end of the day?” So, that’ what I consider within each that I’ve lived so far.
DO YOU THINK THERE ARE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS?
Livi:
Oh yeah, I mean, 100%. And I think the best part about our generation, or at least the spaces that I’m in. Is that we are really breaking down those expectations and trying to get each other to recognize that we are living such different life experiences. And that it’d be unfair to compare ourselves to one other. I think social media, really rose when Instagram was at it’s peak of influencing. All these 20 year old’s flexing all these expensive things they have.
The type of space I want to be apart of right now, is the different spaces like Tik Tok. I think Tik Tok is so great because people can show up authentically. And I feel like I learn so much from people showing up authentically. I do believe there are expectations and depending on what your mindset is. And what spaces you want to navigate towards it’s going to determine whether you release yourself from those expectations or fall deeper in to those expectations.
Me:
For sure, and I think also how you said that we’re all living human experiences. I think that’s something that goes in to those unrealistic expectations. That sometimes we lose thought that others may have a different advatnages as to why they live that different lifetsyles. And we just have to pull back in to reality. And I think Tik Tok shows that reality. Not everyone has this nice cafe to go to or living alone at 22. It shows like people living with their parents at 25, and navigating life. Tik Tok just shows you reality.
Livi:
No, you’re right. Like I’m 23 and I still live at home. I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate dating , how to budget. How to actually show up as an adult. With real responsibilities and bills. While still navigating meeting people after college and forming friendships. Like, how do you make friends as an adult?
If you’re so tapped in to always trying to be the latest and greatest of what somebody else is projecting. Then you’re never going to feel fulfilled because you’re trying to chase an image that’s not even accurate to that person.
You have to learn how to tune out that noise. Because it’s going to get exhausting not always showing up as you’re authentic self.
DO YOU THINK IT' IMPORTANT TO TRY AND PUT YOURSELF FIRST AS YOU NAVIGATE YOUR 20's?
Livi:
I think that is a theme that you take throughout life. No matter how old you are. Everyone needs to reflect on what’s truly important to them. What boundaries they have. What people they want to interact with on a daily. Sometimes, we don’t have as much free will in our teens. But the beauty about your 20s, is that you have a choice. You can pick if you want to go to college, where you want to live. Everything is a choice. I think everyday everyone should choose to put themselves first. Yeah we have responsibilities ,but you have honor yourself. In order to be able deal with looking at yourself in the mirror. Because if you don’t honor yourself then you might end up resenting yourself later down the line.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE SOMEONE WHO IS JUST STARTING THEIR 20's?
Livi:
I think for a lot of women we are raised to be thinking how we can attain a man, so that we can attain a family and have kids. And I feel like the older I get, I realize that your 20’s s a case study for you. You shouldn’t be concerned on meeting a persona and trying to add them to yourself. Because you don’t really know yourself, you’re still trying to figure it out.
So, why not use that energy to figure out different dimensions of your life you want to elevate .And if that means wanting to climb the ladder in your career, then focus on that. If that means you want to make more friends and be a socialite , party & live it up. Don’t make meeting someone become the focus of your life. Your 20’s you don’t know yourself. So, just be on a journey to figuring who you are.
Me:
That’s really good advice. I feel like after college and everything we have a set 4 years in our head. But then after that our brains want to keep setting up what is going to happen. But at the same time, you can’t really add people who you don’t know wo they’ll be in the future. We change so much.
Livi:
I would also say it’s releasing those expectations that you’re supposed to be in a certain space in your 20’s. That were’ supposed to have it figured out. And no one has it figured it out. Just try. Just do what you want to do. And be consistent on what you want to care about.
HOW DO YOU STAY AUTHENTIC TO YOURSELF IN YOUR 20's?
Livi:
I think that’s , that has taken some time. And again when you’re constantly being fed of like “You need to have this lifestyle in order to be successful”. And for Black Women, it’s harder to really break the barriers. But I think, for me I really had to tune in to what type of person I want my inner child to be looking at. What kind of person do I want to show up as and be an inspiration to others? That’s more so the question I ask myself, or so lead with.
When I’m creating content and when I’m showing up on the internet. No matter how much stuff I out out there. You’ll never get to know me unless you sit and have a talk with me. For right now, so many people see my digital persona and I want that to be a positive space for them. So, I’m not really worried about how other people are showing up as “that” girl or how other people are tending to their audiences. Because it’s more asking myself inner question of “How am I showing up authentically.” It’s not just living authentically ,but also living a life of intention as well.
WHAT ARE SOME HABITS THAT YOU THINK ARE IMPORTANT TO KEEP UP IN YOUR 20's?
Livi:
I’ll give you some that are actually backed up by science:
Making your bed is super important. Just having a tidy space is essential to living a life where your mind isn’t cluttered. And I think your space should reflect your mind. Even if it’s not perfectly , clean ,but like messy clean. Like I’m not even the most tidy person ,but I always try to remember to clean up a bit.
Journaling has also been proven to be a super beneficial method. Just like writing down things. Audio journaling is great.
I would also say reading. Like regular print books. Instead of it always being on your phone. I think everything is so digital now. There needs some time where you can do things the “old school way”. Which is so weird to say cause books are essential part of life.
I would also say moving your body in some sort of way. Whether that means, running, dancing, cardio, lifting. You should be moving your body, In other ways that is not just walking around your house. I think that getting your heart rate up & breathing fresh air. It will do wonders to your mental health. Spending some time outside. Feeling the sun on your face.
THANK YOU FOR READING !
Talking to Livi was such a great experience. I personally follow her on Tik Tok & Instagram. Seeing her live so authentically to herself and be motivational to her community is something that inspires me a lot. So much appreciation to her being open to this interview. I hope you the reader enjoyed this week’s post. You can find Livi on Instagram & Tik Tok, @livi.murray. As well as on her podcast, Black Girl Flow. Links are below!
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