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Influencer Spotlight Interviews LGBTQ+

Pride Month Interview: 1 Unique Story About the Asexual Community

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For my third post for Pride Month, I was able to sit down and interview one of my friends. She requested that she remain anonymous. Seeing as that she still in the closet to her family. But she is apart of the Asexual community. And she so graciously agreed to apart of this interview. The Asexual community doesn’t get much attention when talked about in partner with the LGBTQ+ community. Some people in the community don’t even think that asexuality should even be apart of the spectrum. Due to the fact that some may call “straight people looking for attention”. Or that they could be “straight passing”. Asexuality is every much apart of the community as any other sexuality. They are unique in a way with asexuality being such a spectrum.

So, what is asexuality?

Asexuality is defined as the lack of sexual attraction to others ,or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It is a considered a sexual orientation for the lack there of. Much like the LGBTQIA+ community, asexuality is a spectrum with its own sub-identities. Don’t be mislead though. They can still be able to feel other types of attraction besides one of a sexual nature. Such as:

  • Romantic attraction
  • Aesthetic attraction: attraction based on someone’s looks
  • Sensual/physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone.
  • Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone.
  • Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone.

It’s possible for an asexual to experience & feel all those types of attraction. They aren’t just lifeless people with no emotion. A common misconception.

Another misconception: It is like celibacy & abstinence

This is entirely WRONG. Lets lay out how different these three things are. Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. this is usually temporary. And is derived by either personal preference, religion, or some other factor.

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex and possibly marriage. This could be for religious ,cultural, or personal reasons. It’s often a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are choices-asexuality isn’t.

Asexual people may not refrain from having sex at all. Some asexuals choose to have sex for many of reasons. As I said before asexuality is a broad spectrum.

What do the colors on the flag stand for?

The black is for asexuality. As the grey is for the gray area between sexual and asexual. While the white is for the non-asexual partners and allies. Lastly the purple stand for community.

Asexual sub-identities

What are the different sub-identities of asexuality?

Aromatic

Aromatic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction to anyone. Like with asexuality, an aromantic person may still choose to engage in a romantic relationship, or not. 

Grey-Asexual/Greyromantic

These people are anyone who falls in some area between being asexual & sexual, or aromantic & romantic.

Demisexual/Demiromantic

Being Demisexual is another subset of asexuality & aromanticism. Demi is actually French for “half”. With it used to describe a person who does not experience attraction to an individual until a significance emotional bond is formed.

Reciprosexual/Recipromantic

This describes someone who does not experience sexual/romantic attraction to someone until they know that the person is attracted to them.

Akoisexual/Akoiromantic

Akoisexual people may experience sexual/romantic attraction ,but that attraction fades if it is reciprocated.

Aceflux/Aroflux

Lastly, someone who identifies as Aceflux/Aroflux has a sexual/romantic orientation that fluctuates along the spectrum between asexual & sexual ,aromantic & romantic.

Allosexuals

People who are allosexual are those that experience sexual attraction of any kind. Allosexual people might identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or another sexual orientation.

Now that you have a small run down on asexuality ( you should still go do more research though ). I sat down with my friend who is apart of the asexual community and asked her questions on her experiences. Asexuality is always getting looked over. Or not taken seriously. Sometimes even discredited because it is a lack of sexuality instead the hypertextualization of it. Asexual people have as much of a space in the LGBTQ+ community as anyone else. Thank you for reading this far and a huge thank you to my friend for doing this. Depsite her still being in the closet.

Asexual artist
Artist: Robin Schoehuijs

What spectrum of asexuality do you identify in?

Gray and Demi (meaning I’ll only get very slight random moments of attraction after forming a close bond. I also have to actively choose to have that attraction too or it just won’t be there.)

Growing up, how did you know that your sexuality was different than others? Did you always suspect of your asexuality?

Horny middle schoolers dude. They really help you realize that your desires for relationships aren’t like others haha. Ads too, when I got to an age where I started paying attention to ads I also noticed just how sex based a lot of them are which didn’t really do it’s job in drawing me in.

Do you feel invisible or misunderstood in the LGBTQ+ community?

Oh for sure, As Demi bi romantic I have something to compare my asexuality to within the community too. I’ve felt more accepted by the cishet world when it comes to my Ace identity than the lgbt community, and vise-versa for my bi identity. It has started to get better within the community in the last few years though, so I have hope.

How would you describe yourself when it comes to your sexuality?

Ambivalent yet exhaustingly attentive.

Is it difficult to find people who understand your sexuality? Whether it be friends or relationships

Mhm, I’ve never met anyone like me in person before. I have loved ones who accept me (and loved ones who don’t), but I also have to deal with people putting training wheels on when around me like I’m a child. Or I won’t be included in some things without my consent just because they say they don’t want to make me uncomfortable even after I’ve expressed the fact that I’m not uncomfortable with other people having sexual desire and simping for people. I’m not Sex repulsed, it’s frustrating when I’m often treated as if I don’t deserve to be in conversations just because my view isn’t the norm.

Do you think asexuality is becoming less put to the side in the LGBTQ+ community?

Mhm, it definitely is starting to become more talked about. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I feel comfortable outting myself to other lgbt people before scoping them out first, but I don’t have my fists raised to prove myself when I do come out anymore.

What does pride month mean to you & to your sexuality?

Most of my friends from high school are straight, and the ones that aren’t didn’t come out until college so I’m still getting accustomed to actually getting to unapologetically celebrate it with my other Pride friends knowing that I’m almost completely out. It’s become cathartic for me now where it once was very bitter sweet.

At the end of the day, do you wish that you were not asexual? If you could change your sexuality, would you?

I don’t really have a simple answer for that. I’m proud of who I am and I love the relationships I’ve been able to form that I do think is in part developed because of my perception on relationships as an Aspec and Aro person. But it’d be easier for me emotionally in regards to my relationship with my partner if I fit into the Allo world a bit better, I think I’d hold a lot less trauma and guilt if I were Allo, and I can’t say I wouldn’t like to understand and feel a bit more included by my loved ones too.

What would you say to people that dismiss your sexuality or question it as a sexual orientation?

Nothing, I’ve learned that there’s no point. It doesn’t matter what they think, it doesn’t change the way I am.

Do you have any advice that you would give to someone who is questioning if their asexuality or still in the closet or is feeling like they are “weirdos” because they are asexual.

If asexual is the term that best matches with you right now then claim it. No matter how young you might be. If you find later that your desires were just late bloomers then that’s ok, but if this is where you’re at right now you’re more than welcome to our tiny corner of the world, whether you stay for the rest of your life or not. You don’t need to come out to prove to yourself that you’re the way you are, choose to come out when you feel safe and comfortable. This is something personal to you, don’t let anyone try and force that away from you.

THANK YOU FOR READING!!

Thank you for reading this week’s post. For the rest of Pride I have ONE more interview left in this month.  Remember, new posts come out every Tuesday. Don’t forget to follow me on all my socials to be updated when I post. If you have any topics you want me to write about, shoot me a message on Instagram! Until next time 🙂

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