With it being Black History Month, I decided that this topic is the best way to kick it off. Fun fact, Tumi Adeyoju is not my full name. My full birth name is Oluwatumininu Adeyoju. Pronounced O-loo-wa-two-me-knee-new. It is an absolute mouthful, trust me, I know. Growing up in America, having this name was always a struggle to get across. I am very much familiar with the first day of school experience when it came to role call. That blank look and the awkward chuckle the teachers give. While the rest of my classmates chuckle along with me because they know what the “problem” is. Without a doubt, people always ask me to give a nickname before even trying to understand my full name. As if it is an inconvenience on them. Not even taking a chance to try and understand. Yet, they can’t even pronounce my nickname right.
Us, people of color, know that our names are difficult to say in the American accent, but that doesn’t excuse the treatment. Here are reasons why ethnic names shouldn’t be “dumb down” for others comfortability.
Our names have meanings, don’t be ashamed if someone refuses to understand
As soon as I could speak full sentences, my parents made sure my brother and I learned how to say our names correctly. They made sure that we understood the meaning behind our beautiful names. In Yoruba, my Nigerian language, Oluwatumininu means “God has comforted me”. It was given to me by my Dad’s parents, my grandparents. The origin came about because exactly a month before I was born my Dad’s brother passed away. Devastated and still in much grief, my family waited for me to be born. Instead of coming on my due date, the 24th, I arrived 3 days later, the 27th of February. My grandma saw this as a sign from God and a sign from my dear uncle. My birth brought the joy and comfort that was needed for the family at the time.
I’ve told this story to everyone that willingly wants to hear it. But even if someone doesn’t want to know the meaning, that doesn’t dismiss it. There is a story and a connection behind every ethnic name. Whether it is a tragic event, a link to an ancestor, or a common name in your culture. Our names mean something beautiful for a reason. You don’t need other people’s “ooo’s” and “ahhhs” for the meaning to well, mean something. Be proud of the backstory and the lineage that is connected to your name. If someone wants to be rude or dismissive then that is their problem. Maybe they are jealous, maybe they aren’t looking for an explanation, or maybe they just don’t care about you as a person at all. That’s not your headache. It’s theirs. Your name is your meaning, and you can make it as meaningful as you want it to be.
It is your name, not theirs
Last time, I checked it’s my name and my parents on my birth certificate. Not anyone else’s signature is on that. Which means, my name is not approved for anyone else to tell me how it is pronounced. “Your name sounds Hawaiian. Are you sure it’s African?” And yes, that has been said to me…MULTIPLE TIMES. Some people in this world think it’s okay to try and “correct” others on who they are. As if they’re opinion is valid. Which it isn’t. I can only assume that I am not the only one that has had this interaction before. Whenever I get into this type of situation, I just gotta stand my ground. What ground am I standing on? The grounds that my name is perfectly fine and doesn’t need anyone else’s opinions to what it is. I will say it once and I will say it again. It is your name.
It’s not hard to pronounce, they’re just lazy
Lazy may be a harsh word to use, but it is true. Many instances where someone just dismisses my name and immediately asks “Do you have a nickname instead?”. “Is there something else I can call you?”. I’d like to think the person meant well when they said that, but it doesn’t feel that way. It’s kind of like getting served a backhanded compliment. Makes you feel as if your name is a nuance or an inconvenience. Just know that it’s not your fault. Don’t kick yourself down because of this interaction. Your name may look intimidating, but they just made themselves look lazy. Instead of taking the effort to try and learn. To at least attempt to pronounce your name they take the easy way.
Nontraditional names are testaments to nonconformity, but they do not signal combativeness or unacceptable personality fits.
Jerkins , Morgan. “Racism, Based on a Name.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 21 Dec. 2015, 1:50pm, www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2015/10/19/job-discrimination-based-on-a-name/appreciate-the-history-of-names-to-root-out-stigma.
We are so adapted to trying to conform ourselves to the world around us. That we even try to conform our own name. Sometimes trying to create a more “American” or “normal” sounding nickname to try and fit in. Making ourselves more uncomfortable to make others comfortable. Although, that isn’t your job. We can track back to the late 1960s during a giant sociocultural shift which emphasized the individuality between White people and Black people. Ever since then studies have shown that nontraditional names are immediately judged for the person being of lesser educational status. As an individual, you would think that everyone gets a chance to prove themselves based on their skills and personality. When in fact this is never the case for people with ethnical names.
Use this as a teaching moment
We are so quick to deny people and to shut them down. At the end of the day, we are still people. Try and take the sour situation at hand and turn it in to a teaching moment. If they aren’t willing to learn then , that’s fine. Leave them be. But if they genuinely want to hear you out and be taught the culture then go ahead. Sit them down. Tell them the stories. If they are a good friend then they’d take the time and energy to learn. It’s always such a wonderful feeling when my friends become so invested in learning about my culture and the background to my name. That it is not just a name. For people who have friends or coworkers with cultural names, there are way you can help as well and show your respect.
- Reassure them
- ask how to say their name right
- Practice their name or jot down a pronunciation
- Repeat their name after they introduce themselves
- Just like when you meet anyone new make sure you heard their name right
- The best thing a person can hear is their own name
- Call out other people
- You wouldn’t want anyone disrespecting you like that ,so don’t let others do that to someone else
- If they are saying the name wrong behind their back, speak up
- Ask for a reminder
- we rather you ask for a reminder than you just calling us something else …or pointing at us like we’re freaks
Yes, it is black history month, but it doesn’t end when February ends. African Americans don’t stop being Black. That’s why it’s important to make sure that we are spreading the correct information. That we are all doing our part to uplift and empower the community. For the rest of February, I will be posting a Black History Month related article each Tuesday. Whether it be highlighting Black Owned Business, showcasing a young African entrepreneur, or just educating or giving some need life advice to young Black women like myself.
For each post I will be giving an honorable mention to people who have made their mark on the world as an African-American. This week’s I am giving a honorable mention to my favorite writer ,Tomi Adeyemi.
She is a New York Times Best-selling author and my writing mentor. In the media, we don’t usually see Nigerians being showcased as she has. Her book, Children of Blood and Bone , has sold over half a million copies and counting. She continues to write and mentor future published authors in her Writer’s Roadmap mentorship program, which I am actually apart of. Ever since I read her book, she has been an inspiration to me and has helped grow as a writer. You can find her on Instagram @tomi_adeyemi .
Take this time to really take time and learn something that you didn’t know about Black History. Read a book. Look up some articles. Purchase from Black Owned Business. Talk to your friends and learn about the culture. Just do your part.
Thank you for reading! Comment below!
Comment below some books, podcasts, or poems about Black History to check out. Thank you guys for reading. Hope you enjoyed this week’s post. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter and join the Hybrid Tribe. And follow me on all my social media platforms.
Until next time my lovelies!