Hello everyone! And welcome back to another Tuesday T.A & Co blog post. The semester has already started and I bet a lot of us are overwhelmed. Whether you’re starting college, a new job, or a new chapter in life. We ,as people, tend to over stress ourselves with new, big change. All this stress can be turned in to unwanted pressures that we just don’t need. Especially, if you’re starting out your twenties. It seems like everyone has these expectations for your own life. And you have expectations for yourself as well. But what if you don’t meet those expectations? Well, that’s what we are going to be talking about today. 5 ways on how to deal with unwanted pressure.
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So often when we are feeling unwanted pressure, it is coming from not meeting expectations. But, let’s be honest here. It’s about not meeting OTHER people’s expectations and not even our own. Whether it is from your peers, social media, society, or even your own immediate family. When we feel like we are disappointing our loved ones, we take it upon ourselves to push to do better. But what if that push is just an underline for hurting ourselves even more?
I know when I was starting out my twenties, it felt like I had to meet a certain milestone. Like I was behind if I didn’t meet certain criteria by the time I hit 21. And sometimes I do feel that same emotion as I reach 22 soon. But what I’m really doing is letting societal expectations dictate how I should be living. Which then causes immense pressure that I simply don’t need. So, what if we just let go of those expectations? Set them to the side and ask ourselves “What do I want?” “What do I desire?”. The answers to those questions are the only thing that should matter in your mind.
2. Ask yourself: Is this in my control?
Let’s be honest, we like to be in control of many aspects of our life. If it was possible, we’d be choosing everything even down to the tiny details. But sadly, that is not the reality. Not everything is in our control. A lot of times we just have to let the waves ride as we drift afloat. And this can scare a lot of us. Sending us into a frenzy and being counterproductive. Instead of giving up control, we go into hyperdrive and try to overcontrol things. Which has us stacking on unwanted pressure. Unneeded at that.
So, take a beat. Take a minute to take a deep breath in…and then out. Then ask yourself this simple question. “Is this in my control?”
More than likely, the answer will be no. Then my follow-up question is, “So, why are you over-exerting yourself about it?” The best way to deal with unwanted pressure is to throw our hands in the air and just let certain things happen. If the person wants to leave, then let them leave. A certain situation isn’t playing out how you wanted? You gotta just let it happen how it’s flowing out to be. You can’t control everything. The sooner you learn that, the easier it will be to go through it.
Life is meant to be learnt from. There is never a point in life where you don’t learn something new. Think about it for a moment. From the moment you are born, you are always learning. There is new information being thrown at you every which way. And it can be a lot. So, to make up for it, at times we hold ourself to certain standards. Like we have to be better than what learned. How about we don’t do that?
How about we just let ourselves make mistakes. We give ourselves the room to live and learn. To go on that bad date and know that this isn’t what we want. Or to end that toxic friendship. Knowing now how we should be treated & our worth. Worst part of unwanted pressure? Not giving yourself the room to make mistakes. Even worse is refusing to learn from them.
And that leads perfectly into #4: Let go of perfectionism. If you’re anything like me, you hold yourself to a higher standard. You know you can do and make great things. But when you hold yourself to such a high standard. You expect nothing but that. This can cause you to always demand perfection. As if flaws are not allowed. But the fun fact…flaws are what makes us, well…us.
It is what we use to learn how we should grow as people. Unwanted pressure grows when we don’t give ourselves room to breathe. To have flaws and create flaws. Yes, we should always aim to correct those flaws. But it’s not like you won’t just develop more. That’s just how we are. Life isn’t meant to be like those curated Tik Toks that you see. With the aesthetic coffee shop, the aesthetic apartment that has natural lighting, and the aesthetic closet. Life is a spectrum that everyone lands on separately. So, stop treating it like it’s a straight line when it’s a jagged scribble.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others
It’s okay if you do. I still do at times. It’s a natural instinct in all of us. To see what someone else has and compare it to what we have. Although, as natural as it is. There is a point where it becomes unhealthy. Because there is a difference between admiring & comparing. You can admire what someone has and make personal goals to get that version in your own life. But when we compare what we have with that of someone else. We are telling ourselves “What I have isn’t good enough. There I am not good enough. And I NEED to get this in order to achieve the happiness I want.” No…just, no.
That is far from the truth. Something I learned over the summer when it came to unwanted pressure is that everyone gets what they desire in time. We are all not synched up on the same clock. Everyone is moving at their own pace. And your blessings are doing the same. The more you compare, the more negative energy you encase. You are slowing down your blessings even more. Once you shed the comparisons, the source of the unwanted pressure, the more you start to achieve that happiness you so long for.
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Ultimately, the way you deal with unwanted pressure is not going to be easy. Some of it’s coming from yourself, due to unrealistic expectations. Some of it’s coming from your parents, who only want good things for you. And some is simply coming from society in general—we’ve all heard the popular expressions “You’re not getting any younger” or “What are you doing with your life?”
In the end, you’re in this for yourself. You’re the one who has to be happy, and you’re the only one who can make that happen. Whether or not someone else wants you to reach some sort of goal will never be a good enough reason for pursuing it. It’s a good thing, since it means you don’t have to let anyone else dictate what you do with your life.
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